Today I am 20 weeks along. Halfway through with this pregnancy!
Tomorrow I have my ultrasound. If we choose, we can find out the gender of this baby. So far, Jeremy and I have decided to not find out. We did not find out the genders with our first three pregnancies, but we did choose to find out the genders with our forth pregnancy, the twins. I like the surprise of not knowing. The anticipation during delivery is exciting and helps motivate me during the final stages of labor. Plus, Jeremy likes to be the first one to know the gender, so that he can be the one to tell me. I like that too.
I have to admit though, a small part of me wants to find out the gender, just so I can "be prepared." But when I think about it, there's not a whole lot I would do to prepare for a certain gender. We're not going to set up the nursery until after the baby is born. We plan to have this baby stay in our room with us for the first few months. We have all of the gender neutral baby equipment we need. And we already have clothing for both genders from birth to size 4T. Yes, I have every single piece of Carter's clothing saved in bins in the garage. I know that might sound strange that I've kept all of his clothing, but I began saving his clothes years before we knew he would get sick and pass away.
When Carter passed away I was seven months pregnant with our third child, Claira. We did not know her gender until birth. She was born 10 weeks after he passed away. During the time leading up to the birth of our third child, a thoughtful individual asked what we would do for clothing, if the baby was a boy. We let them know that our plan was to use Carter's clothes that we had saved. I was asked if it might be too upsetting for me to open up those bins, and use Carter's clothing so soon after his death. I'm sure it would have been difficult, but I would have used them. Now that three years have passed since his death, we're facing the possibility of opening those bins once again. And I have mixed feelings about that. I'd love to have a reason to open up those bins and look at those clothes, to smell them and touch them. But part of me also wonders how difficult that may, or may not, be. It might be a good step with moving forward. I'm ready to do it. I want to open those bins!
For now, only the Lord knows the gender of this baby, and if this will be the time to open up those memory filled bins. I will choose to trust in His plan...
~Wanda
Wanda, what a beautiful, touching post! I think you have a gift for writing :). I will be praying for you and for this little one, whomever he or she turns out to be, but especially if you end up needing those boxes.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I remember the determination in those last few minutes of pushing to find out just who this person is! We had thought for sure we were having a boy, the entire time, and towards the end of pushing, my midwife stopped me and said, "Is it a boy or a girl?" I didn't hesitate in telling everyone it was a girl, and 2 minutes later, she slid on out :). I have no idea why I changed my mind at the last minute, but it's a fun story! Have your guesses been accurate so far?
Wanda,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are writing again! You have a God-given talent and I am sure many people will be impacted by your writing. I pray that the Lord uses it to bring many people to come to trust Him as their Lord. Carter's life and the testimony is still touching lives. We are praying for a healthy baby Cummings! I pray God continues to bless you and your family.
Love in Christ,
Michelle